Thursday, October 6

Private Vs Public

There's something more in that weirdness about performing to people who know you. It is sometimes easier to be truthful to those who don't know that what you are saying is true. Joni mitchell talks about turning her skin inside out when she writes - and how when she wrote 'a case of you' a friend asked her whether she wasnt making herself just too vulnerable, exposing too much, to raw. Part of me wants to do just that. Songs that are like a diary set to music, an externalisation of the most internal emotions, insensified by the melodies, the timbre, the performance - - - but maybe I should protect myself. From who? I dont know. And who is interested anyway? Maybe I need to protect myself from the idea that nobody is interested. Do songs need to serve a social function? Is that the idea? And all the love songs? They can help people through, or just help by making people smile. And a song that is utterly personal, if it is well written, should be applicable, should move something in others, emotions or situations that are recognisable - once they are out in the air, they are not about you anymore, they are fiction. Even right now, my itunes is on random and a song came on which I haven't heard in so long and still it has almost a chemical reaction on me. Why is that? is it just the time and the people it makes me remember? too many thoughts. eugh.

I would like to sing a song which is so honest that it can only be performed in a closed box where nobody can see me. And then i will put on a sequin dress and sing a song about desire in a loud voice to a million people.